Here's a quote from "A Cheertastic Christmas Miracle"; which is John Green's contribution to the three-story collection, Let It Snow
"There is always the risk: something is good and good and good and good, and then all at once it gets awkward. All at once, she sees you looking at her, and then she doesn’t want to joke around with you anymore, because she doesn’t want to seem flirty, because she doesn’t want you to think she likes you. It’s such a disaster, whenever, in the course of human relationships, someone begins to chisel away at the wall of separation between friendship and kissing. Breaking down that wall is the kind of story that might have a happy middle - oh, look, we broke down this wall, I’m going to look at you like a girl and you’re going to look at me like a boy and we’re going to play a fun game called Can I Put My Hand There What About There What About There. And sometimes that happy middle looks so great that you can convince yourself that it’s not the middle but will last forever.
That middle is never the end though… And I did not want to have a happy middle… at the expense of an Inevitably Disastrous Forever.
But then again (and here is one of my main complaints about human consciousness): once you think a thought, it is extremely difficult to unthink it. And I had thought the thought."
Yeah. Reading that made me smile.
So, he’s pretty much fine now, but my dad got really sick last night while at this event and they had to take him to the hospital, so a couple friends came with me to pick up his car.
And BOTH MY PARENTS FORGOT TO MENTION THAT MY FATHER HAD THROWN UP RIGHT BESIDE THE DRIVER’S DOOR.
Yeah. Got to clean my father’s puke off my shoe. Woohoo.
Though, I now think I believe parents when they say it’s different when it’s your kid’s mess, because normally vomit would make me sick, but with this case mostly I was just kind of like “Alright, can someone get me some napkins?” and then stuck the shoes in the other vehicle and drove home barefoot.
On another note, my professor loved my second story as well (though he also had some great suggestions for ways to improve it) and I'm definitely getting an "A" in that class for the semester. He read part of the story to my class and it was both awesome and weird because when he read the words they sounded so much more amazing and I kind of didn't believe I had written them.
No class this week! Happily in Texas! Yay Thanksgiving!
P.S. New Moon was 8 million times better than Twilight. Jacob = Love. Go see it.
Words Written: 1624
Characters Mentioned: 9
Times I've Googled Facts: 4
Times I've Considered Deleting It All: 5
Days Left: 29
This is going to be a loooooooong month, lol.
So far I have six characters mentioned, eight hundred and twenty eight words, and no idea where my plot is going.
I love this month! : )
Well, I redid my page a little, and finally got a userpic, which is fun. My parents bought me a new hat and scarf, and so I was have a little fun with Photo Booth and then doing some editing.
I've been doing a project this year where I took an old unused journal that one of my friends gave me several years ago and redid it. I covered the normal pages with pieces of scrapbook pages and I'm filling the whole thing with various lists. The general idea is that when I'm done the book will be a (rather personal) snapshot of me of the year or two I spend on it, all in the form of lists. So far I'm really proud of how it's turning out, and I may post a couple pictures on here when I'm done.
These are the lists I've done:
~Things that scare me
~Happy/favorite memories from the summer of 2009
~Places where it would be fun to live
~Things I enjoy doing
~TV Shows I love watching
~Some of the people I will always care about
~Sweet Briar Favorites (memories from freshman year)
~Things I like about boys : )
Anyway, I have about 40 empty pages still, so if anyone has any ideas for things I could make lists of, that would be great.
School is going well. I have a lot of fun things coming up over the next few weeks, including a trip to New York City!!! Also, my roommate is in a play this weekend, and next weekend we're going to her house for a Dexter marathon and to hang out with a couple of her friends, and her family (who I'm just starting to think of as my Virginia family).
Sometimes listing what I've done makes me feel better about what I have to do:
~Drove from Richmond to Sweet Briar (two hours)
~Went to class
~Revised my one act play
~Went to class and read my one act play, which got great reviews
~Got some dinner. (I've eaten very healthily today)
~Fetched my roommate her shoes.
~Started cleaning early (it's on my to-do list for tomorrow)
~Knit some more of my sweater (I'm almost done!)
~Proofread my roomie's essay
~Checked prices on flights for Thanksgiving (still expensive, we're going to have to keep an eye out)
~Revised my personal essay
What I Have Left to Do:
~Finish my writing exercise for Fiction Workshop (due in about and hour and I still don't really have a good hold on my story, which is frustrating because I've been doing really well in the class and hate to let the professor down).
~Compose a letter of interest and resume to apply for an on-campus job, application due tomorrow. (It's an awesome position, and I'm pretty sure I'm a shoo-in for the job as long as I get this stuff done.)
~Read stories in preparation for the Writer's Series tomorrow morning and evening.
~Take a shower
Alright. It's 10:40 pm. I have class at 10:30 am. I can TOTALLY do this! :D
P.S. Texas was AMAZING. And mostly because I didn't do anything crazy or stay out ridiculously late like I did over the summer. I just went with the flow and relaxed. It was nice. I hate to sound self-congratulatory, but I really am doing so much better this semester than I did last year, and I definitely believe a big part of it can be credited to the fact that I've started going to church again and praying more. I still have my moments, but all-in-all things feel a lot clearer now.
I've had a few awesome days in Texas, and I feel very refreshed. In an hour I leave for the airport.
And all I can think amidst this internal transfer-don't-transfer debate is that I feel like I'm always saying goodbye, and that I hate that I have to fly on a plane to get home.
I know I want to leave, I just don't know where to. I think once I figure that out I'll be more comfortable with my decision, because right now everything is just up in the air.
Fun Stuff: Here's my video for this week's part of the Tales From A Broad project:
I'm having a bit of a personality crisis right now, because Emily and I left the Homecoming Dance earlier tonight to go sit in our dorm room in our pajamas and watch movies. And I don't regret that decision, because the fact is that Emily is pretty much my only friend here, it's pouring rain and cold outside, and I didn't feel like hanging around at a dance where I'd already eaten, didn't have a date, and wasn't planning to dance.
So, you know, I'm cool with the decision I made tonight.
It's just that I keep thinking about all of the fun I'm not having. This is college, and while it's about the well-rounded curriculum, cool professors, and overall excellent learning environment (all of which I'm getting here), it's also about making friends, having fun, and generally getting a chance to be silly and stupid before you go out into the "real world" that everyone keeps talking about where people expect you to be responsible and make the right decisions. It's about midnight mac and cheese, buying "Yes We Can" Obama posters at Walmart and taping them up inside bathroom stalls, spontaneously deciding to fill your friend's car with balloons, getting McDonald's at one o'clock a.m. because you need a break from studying, watching Fight Club in the common room, turning Twilight into a drinking game, making breakfast for your friends just because it's fun, buying a roboting dinosaur because the dorm officers don't let you keep pets, and going to a thrift store just because it'll be fun to take pictures in funny clothes from the nineties.
I thought the hardest part was supposed to be fitting in at high school. Everyone always said that if you can just make it through high school, college is so much better. I had a group of friends in high school; I knew who they were and I knew I could count on them. I just thought that it would happen in college, too. I thought if I was nice and myself and confident and joined clubs that I would find a group of friends that I fit in with - that's what everyone said would happen. But I did all of those things, and I didn't find my group. Because I don't think my "group" exists where I am.
So now I'm at a college I genuinely like, and I'm miserable because I don't really have anyone to share these experiences with. And the one friend I had last year who would do silly stupid things with me, the one person who thought in the same way I do, transferred back home.
I have to try so hard to be happy here. I have to talk myself into it, and convince myself that it's right. But at the end of the day, week, month, year, it just doesn't matter that I love my classes, or that orchestra is fun, or that the English professors are awesome, because I don't have a group of friends that I can just have fun with. I don't have anyone to go be silly with me.
Maybe it's a stupid thing to want. And I probably missed the window on ever having something like that. The thought of transferring and still being as unhappy as I am now (only minus the cool small classes and fun at orchestra) terrifies me. But I have to stop convincing myself that things are okay here. I've spent a month and a half looking forward to a three-day trip that I'm making back to Texas this week. Really, that should say it all.
Sorry that was a bit whiny. I work through things by talking about them, and (as is painfully obvious) I've run out of people to talk to. I promise something more upbeat next time. :)