Words Written: 1624
Characters Mentioned: 9
Times I've Googled Facts: 4
Times I've Considered Deleting It All: 5
Days Left: 29

This is going to be a loooooooong month, lol.

So far I have six characters mentioned, eight hundred and twenty eight words, and no idea where my plot is going.

I love this month! : )

Well, I redid my page a little, and finally got a userpic, which is fun. My parents bought me a new hat and scarf, and so I was have a little fun with Photo Booth and then doing some editing.

I've been doing a project this year where I took an old unused journal that one of my friends gave me several years ago and redid it. I covered the normal pages with pieces of scrapbook pages and I'm filling the whole thing with various lists. The general idea is that when I'm done the book will be a (rather personal) snapshot of me of the year or two I spend on it, all in the form of lists. So far I'm really proud of how it's turning out, and I may post a couple pictures on here when I'm done.

These are the lists I've done:
~Things that scare me
~Happy/favorite memories from the summer of 2009
~Places where it would be fun to live
~Things I enjoy doing
~TV Shows I love watching
~Some of the people I will always care about
~Sweet Briar Favorites (memories from freshman year)
~Things I like about boys : )

Anyway, I have about 40 empty pages still, so if anyone has any ideas for things I could make lists of, that would be great.

School is going well. I have a lot of fun things coming up over the next few weeks, including a trip to New York City!!! Also, my roommate is in a play this weekend, and next weekend we're going to her house for a Dexter marathon and to hang out with a couple of her friends, and her family (who I'm just starting to think of as my Virginia family).

Which, if you don't know, is an online site where you can create word clouds. Basically you input a bunch of text and a word cloud is created, with the most recurring words appearing the largest and most prominent. I've been using it for conversations.
Here are two of the ones I did today:


This one is from a few days ago. My friend, Patrick, was teasing me because I couldn't beat his score on a game, and then he delivered one of the most hilarious fake apologies I've ever seen. It was beautiful, lol.


This is what I got when I input the url for this blog.

Sometimes listing what I've done makes me feel better about what I have to do:

~Drove from Richmond to Sweet Briar (two hours)
~Went to class
~Revised my one act play
~Went to class and read my one act play, which got great reviews
~Got some dinner. (I've eaten very healthily today)
~Fetched my roommate her shoes.
~Started cleaning early (it's on my to-do list for tomorrow)
~Knit some more of my sweater (I'm almost done!)
~Proofread my roomie's essay
~Checked prices on flights for Thanksgiving (still expensive, we're going to have to keep an eye out)
~Revised my personal essay

What I Have Left to Do:
~Finish my writing exercise for Fiction Workshop (due in about and hour and I still don't really have a good hold on my story, which is frustrating because I've been doing really well in the class and hate to let the professor down).
~Compose a letter of interest and resume to apply for an on-campus job, application due tomorrow. (It's an awesome position, and I'm pretty sure I'm a shoo-in for the job as long as I get this stuff done.)
~Read stories in preparation for the Writer's Series tomorrow morning and evening.
~Take a shower

Alright. It's 10:40 pm. I have class at 10:30 am. I can TOTALLY do this! :D

P.S. Texas was AMAZING. And mostly because I didn't do anything crazy or stay out ridiculously late like I did over the summer. I just went with the flow and relaxed. It was nice. I hate to sound self-congratulatory, but I really am doing so much better this semester than I did last year, and I definitely believe a big part of it can be credited to the fact that I've started going to church again and praying more. I still have my moments, but all-in-all things feel a lot clearer now.

I've had a few awesome days in Texas, and I feel very refreshed. In an hour I leave for the airport.

And all I can think amidst this internal transfer-don't-transfer debate is that I feel like I'm always saying goodbye, and that I hate that I have to fly on a plane to get home.

I know I want to leave, I just don't know where to. I think once I figure that out I'll be more comfortable with my decision, because right now everything is just up in the air.

Fun Stuff: Here's my video for this week's part of the Tales From A Broad project:



More soon!

I'm having a bit of a personality crisis right now, because Emily and I left the Homecoming Dance earlier tonight to go sit in our dorm room in our pajamas and watch movies. And I don't regret that decision, because the fact is that Emily is pretty much my only friend here, it's pouring rain and cold outside, and I didn't feel like hanging around at a dance where I'd already eaten, didn't have a date, and wasn't planning to dance.

So, you know, I'm cool with the decision I made tonight.

It's just that I keep thinking about all of the fun I'm not having. This is college, and while it's about the well-rounded curriculum, cool professors, and overall excellent learning environment (all of which I'm getting here), it's also about making friends, having fun, and generally getting a chance to be silly and stupid before you go out into the "real world" that everyone keeps talking about where people expect you to be responsible and make the right decisions. It's about midnight mac and cheese, buying "Yes We Can" Obama posters at Walmart and taping them up inside bathroom stalls, spontaneously deciding to fill your friend's car with balloons, getting McDonald's at one o'clock a.m. because you need a break from studying, watching Fight Club in the common room, turning Twilight into a drinking game, making breakfast for your friends just because it's fun, buying a roboting dinosaur because the dorm officers don't let you keep pets, and going to a thrift store just because it'll be fun to take pictures in funny clothes from the nineties.

I thought the hardest part was supposed to be fitting in at high school. Everyone always said that if you can just make it through high school, college is so much better. I had a group of friends in high school; I knew who they were and I knew I could count on them. I just thought that it would happen in college, too. I thought if I was nice and myself and confident and joined clubs that I would find a group of friends that I fit in with - that's what everyone said would happen. But I did all of those things, and I didn't find my group. Because I don't think my "group" exists where I am.

So now I'm at a college I genuinely like, and I'm miserable because I don't really have anyone to share these experiences with. And the one friend I had last year who would do silly stupid things with me, the one person who thought in the same way I do, transferred back home.

I have to try so hard to be happy here. I have to talk myself into it, and convince myself that it's right. But at the end of the day, week, month, year, it just doesn't matter that I love my classes, or that orchestra is fun, or that the English professors are awesome, because I don't have a group of friends that I can just have fun with. I don't have anyone to go be silly with me.

Maybe it's a stupid thing to want. And I probably missed the window on ever having something like that. The thought of transferring and still being as unhappy as I am now (only minus the cool small classes and fun at orchestra) terrifies me. But I have to stop convincing myself that things are okay here. I've spent a month and a half looking forward to a three-day trip that I'm making back to Texas this week. Really, that should say it all.

Okay.

Sorry that was a bit whiny. I work through things by talking about them, and (as is painfully obvious) I've run out of people to talk to. I promise something more upbeat next time. :)

And I'm having a fun, relaxing time hanging out with my roommate, Emily, and her family.

And this week was my week for the TalesFromABroad channel, so here's my video:

Last night I was up late working on a one act play I need to finish for my playwriting class, and so I asked my sister to make a video to motivate me, so I'd have something to watch when I was finished. I was kind of joking, but she delivered, and I smiled and laughed a lot when I saw it. I think, watching it, it's really obvious that we're related/sisters.



Also, aren't my dogs ADORABLE?! Bandit's the border collie mutt, and Sprecher's the awkward dachshund.

(I know, duh, it's my blog, of course it's my thoughts, but you know what I mean.)

I'm transferring.

Not because I hate Sweet Briar. Not because I'm homesick. Not because I have any major issues with the people here.

But because...I'm not really happy here.

I know, you're thinking something along the lines of "Well, Vicki, why couldn't you realize this about a year ago?" And the answer is a) because, sadly, I just didn't know myself as well as high school had made me believe and b) because I'm not always unhappy here. I have plenty of happy memories, both from this year and last year, and for the sake of making my point (to myself and anyone reading) I'll list some examples.

Times When I Am/Was Happy:
~ On trips to go see plays/productions/sights
~ At cool on campus events (Coffee house, Homecoming, Spring Fling, etc.)
~ Hanging out with my only friend from the entire year, Cameron (who has now transferred)
~ Doing fun things with Annie and talking Nerdfighter awesomeness.
~ Spending time with Gina or Emily
~ Hanging out with other friends/acquaintances
~ Randomly doing spontaneous, silly things in the middle of the night
~ Having great discussions in classes, specifically English
~ Writing and critiquing work for Creative Writing

Times I was unhappy:
~ The other 60% of the time

So you can see why I wasn't sure, because the 40% of the time when I was happy were so truly AWESOME, that I thought that maybe I could really learn to like Sweet Briar. But I've realized now what that list says about me: It says I'm a young woman who loves to go out and do fun things, see new places, and enjoy new experiences with friends. I'm a nerdfighter (sorry if you don't know what that is), and someone who loves reading and writing English, so I'm making the right decision by choosing to major in it and (hopefully) teach.

Those things will be true about me wherever I go. And my gut is telling me that this isn't the right place for me anymore.

I'm not saying anything is official, and I'll definitely keep praying on it, but that's just how I feel right now.

P.S. Got my car, because my parents are AMAZING. I was a little bit nervous driving again, since the last time I drove my car filled up with smoke on the highway, and also because it's just difficult to adjust to a new car (I was nervous when I first had the Sebring too). Hopefully it'll get less stressful. :)

My professor loved my story! (previous post) Aside from one complaint, he gave me more compliments today than he did during the entirety of last semester, I think. I really feel like I'm starting to figure out my writing style and gaining control over my prose, and it's pretty exciting. Not to be over-confident, but I'm really starting to actually believe that I can one day get my work published. :D

Today was generally very good. I had Art of the Essay, which went well. I did some work over lunch, and then I had Fiction Workshop (which I already talked about). The pool still isn't full, so for my swimming class we did some "dry land practice" and then let out early.

The English department had a get-together at four-thirty, which I REALLY enjoyed. Sitting there in that room with students and professors who share my interests, I remembered how I felt when I first came to visit here, and how much I fell in love with the English department. It really was one of the reasons I decided to travel 1200 miles from home to go to school. And for a moment I thought, "Wow. All of this doubt has been in my head. I really love it here."

And then I left and got some dinner with Emily and went to orchestra, where I began to daydream about all of the things I can do next semester while I'm in Texas. So...oy. My choices are so completely opposite, and I'm a person who likes to find compromises. Blech.

Apparently if my car is purchased in Virginia and the title is in Virginia, I have to be insured in Virginia, which means I wouldn't be able to be under my parents insurance. I definitely can't afford insurance with what my campus job pays me, so this isn't good. My parents are trying to figure it out so I get my car Saturday. Fingers crossed!

What can I say? It's my thing.

Anyway, this semester I'm doing a TON of writing. I'm enrolled in three writing classes (which my advisor didn't love, but one is only available every other year and the other two are required for my major): Fiction Workshop, Art of the Essay (creative nonfiction), and Playwriting/Screenwriting. It's fun, because it's really testing my ability to work in multiple genres, and well as teaching me the discipline to write on command. And, of course, I'll be doing a ton of revisions.

So, I just finished a story that had to be about an architect in Athens in 2024 for Fiction Workshop, and I figured I'd put it up here before everyone rips it apart in class tomorrow. It's not super long, just about four pages double-spaced, but here's an example of my "original" work for anyone who was curious (obviously not as original as something that came without a prompt, but oh well). It's not perfect, obviously, but I enjoyed writing it, and Emily helped me a lot with the ending.

( Elpis )

On Tuesday, my schedule is 10:30am Art of the Essay, 11:45 lunch, 1:15 Fiction Workshop, 2:45 Swimming. Thursday is the same, only on Thursday nights I also have Chamber Orchestra from 7-9:30. (Even though they wouldn't let me take that for credit this semester, which is ridiculous.)

It's nice, because these days reinforce for me just how much I love the English language and creative writing, and between those two classes and my Playwriting and Screenwriting class this semester, I'll definitely be tested in just how much creative energy I have. This is why I figure NaNoWriMo this year may be spent on fanfiction, if only for the fun of writing something that other people can enjoy without worrying too much about being critiqued.

At the beginning of the summer, my sister's 1998 Sebring, Louise (lol, Laura named her, not me), was passed down to me when she got my mom's Ford Focus. Louise is my first car, so it was very exciting. Then, a week after I had her a woman hit Louise on the passenger side while I was leaving work at the mall (thankfully only the passenger door was damaged and I was fine), so I didn't have Louise for a few weeks. But I got her back in July and brought her here to college this semester, which I was quite excited about, until the fuel injector got messed up and the battery died. Right after I replaced the battery, I was driving into town to go job hunting and Louise overheated on the highway. It was rather scary (smoke filled the car while I was going 60mph!), but this AMAZING cop stayed with me until my roommate and the tow truck showed up.

Anyway, it seems Louise's damage was too extensive, so I've been without the car for the past two weeks while searching for a new (old) one, because I have an amazing and generous father who understands that my sanity will not withstand another semester stuck on this campus with very limited independence. We found a cheap (but in good condition) Honda civic, which is getting looked at tomorrow, so I'll write more about that if I end up getting it. But today I had to go get the rest of my stuff out of Louise and say goodbye. Emily drove me up to the dealership where Louise is parked and we cleared out my stuff and took pictures on my phone, because I never got a picture with Louise, and I figure I should, since she was my first car. I was a little bummed to have only driven Louise for a short time, but I'm trying to focus on the new car I'm getting (hopefully in a couple of days, yay!).

Then Emily and I came back and watched a few episodes of Grey's Anatomy. I'm doing my best to catch her up by the time the new season starts, but I kind of doubt that I can manage that.

Oh, and I'm knitting a scarf. It's purple. I've never finished one before. : )

P.S. Last night I stayed up late writing an eight-page creative nonfiction piece. I might post it after I get it edited.

A few people have wanted to know what's been going on with me. And I debated leaving the whole story off my blog, just because it might be a little long, but I figure it's a blog, so personal is implied. I've never really written out everything as a whole, or really admitted to parts of it to everyone, so I think this will be good. If you care or are curious, click the link. If you're not, that's cool, too. Expect something more lighthearted soon. : )


( College Didn't Turn Out Like I Expected )

It would have been a thing of beauty. Gorgeous. Fantastical, even.

But then I remembered that I still have a Livejournal.

So I ask myself something along the lines of "Hey, why don't I just add entries to my livejournal?" When my self had no response, we decided to just write on here.

Oh dear, I'm already talking about myself in the plural form. This cannot be good.

I don't know what I'm going to write/type about, but the main point is that I miss blogging. I've been very faithfully keeping a (nice pretty leather) journal this year, and I have gotten into the whole vlogging thing (I'll put a link to my latest project at the bottom of the post) and obviously I have friends, so it's not exactly as if I need another outlet to talk about myself.

Except that I do. But not just myself: things, people, events (current or otherwise). Topics. And I like the opinions of friends and strangers, which is something I won't receive via my journal, and something I only receive when I have have time to script and write a video via YouTube.

So I'm blogging again. We'll see how this goes. I know I've been gone awhile, so I don't even know if I have any friends subscribed to this anymore, but if I do I have a message for those (likely few) of you left: I know I've been gone and neglectful for a while, and I'm sorry. I had to go through some things over the past eighteen months, life-wise, much of which involved me being confused, naive, and immature. It's not really an excuse, so much as the truth. I'll probably talk more about it all in the future, since I'm not an especially private person. I hope you're doing well!

Here's the first video of a project that me and I friend are working on this semester. Enjoy!

...and apparently results in random poetry.

This is unedited and was just for fun, but I figured I'd post it.


Last night a click was heard, soft,
Beneath the sound of water splashing,
Hands slapping, voices laughing.
Beneath the racket, most simply missed
The sound of that restful click.

But not me. No, that click was loud
And proud as it found its way
From your eyes to my ears,
And suddenly everything changed
In a moment; my life rearranged.

Your hand stretched, grasping my own
Below the surface of what others could see.
Our pruny, wrinkly fingers met,
And I knew I wanted to spend my days
With your touch one reach away.

Haha. So true. I've been neglecting poor old Livejournal...for over a year, I think. I didn't check.

I've been having a thought that I might go back and finish Triptych over the next few months (or do it in place of a NaNoWriMo project this year). I hesitate to make any promises, but it's always bothered me that I never finished it. So, I'm going to go back at read it, and see what I can do, as I've forgotten much of the plot line at this point. I'm pretty sure that the end result will be rather disjointed, as my writing style has changed and matured quite a bit since 2006, and I'm also pretty sure that no one will even read or review it (or this, possibly), but hopefully the characters will be out of my head once and for all and I can go back to writing my own things. Like I said, I make no promises about quantity, quality, or even any kind of deadline. I just know it's been bothering me, and also my best friend has been nagging me about it, lol.

So, that's what's new.

Other updates over the past year...

~I attended my freshman year of college at Sweet Briar. If all goes according to plan, I'll be graduating in 2011 instead of 2012. Of course, I am having a few qualms with Sweet Briar, so all may not go according to plan. Oh well.
~I took Creative Writing this past Spring, and it only cemented my hopes of own day writing as a profession. Next semester I'm signed up for Fiction Workshop, Art of the Essay, and Screenwriting. Needless to say, I'm pretty excited.
~I got published in the school's annual literary magazine, which was pretty cool, since only 3 freshman made it in. It was for a poem, which I may post on here. Hmm.

Yeah, I know those were all mostly writing-related. I'm just in that mode. : )

This was hard, but I got a little help, so here you go, in no particular order:

1. French Fries (w/ Filet O' Fish)
2. Fancy Dresses
3. Fudge Brownies
4. Fuzzy Teddy Bears
5. Free Period (aka Early Dismissal)
6. Fine Dining
7. Fireworks
8. Fractions (seriously)
9. Fiction
10. Fizzy Beverages

Hm...once I got started it wasn't terrible. I also liked the Fantastic 4 movies, flip-flops, frosted flakes, flint, fun dip candy, flags, etc. Lol. Who knew so many great things started with the letter F?

Leaving for Austin in a bit. I'm spending the day there tomorrow and will be back Sunday. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

I don't have an actual post so I'm taking a little fifty-questions thing I did on myspace. It basically recaps the highlights anyway.

( My Day )

Goodnight!

I love grilled cheese and tomato soup. It is absolutely delicious. Seriously, talk about comfort food. I feel much happier after my dinner now.

So I think I have a thing for fictional lost causes. It started with my Harry/Hermione thing in the Harry Potter series (though a part of me still thinks I'm right...hmph), then when I watched Phantom of the Opera I was completely rooting for the phantom. With Twilight I preferred Jacob after New Moon, and then when I watched My Fair Lady the other night I really thought that Freddie was better than the old bachelor Audrey Hepburn's character ends up with. The thing is, I never realize that it's a lost cause at the time (with the exception of the Twilight reference). I really just have genuinely bad fictional judgment. Hm. If I were in the mood to I bet I could psycoanalyze myself over this whole topic.

I LOVE the song "On the Street Where You Live" from My Fair Lady, partially because I love the voice of the man that sings it (maybe that's why I like Freddie?) even though when you look at the lyrics they are slightly stalkerish. Oh well. It's cute. Also, I have rediscovered Limewire, and all I have to say is: Hello, my old friend, I have missed you. Thank you for the forty songs you gave me in a ten minute period today. I really appreciated it.

And now I'm off to finish an essay. I'm really worried about this one.